| Date: | November 9, 2006 / year-entry #380 |
| Tags: | a-modest-proposal;non-computer |
| Orig Link: | https://blogs.msdn.microsoft.com/oldnewthing/20061109-06/?p=29063 |
| Comments: | 25 |
| Summary: | In recent years, the issue of steroids in baseball has been the source of much hand-wringing. Some people argue that steroids are ruining the game. Others say that you can't go around trampling the Bill of Rights and punishing people for doing things that are perfectly legal anyway. To resolve this issue, I present this... |
In recent years, the issue of steroids in baseball has been the source of much hand-wringing. Some people argue that steroids are ruining the game. Others say that you can't go around trampling the Bill of Rights and punishing people for doing things that are perfectly legal anyway. To resolve this issue, I present this modest proposal. Today, Major League Baseball is divided into two leagues, the National League and the American League, which, aside from the designated hitter rule, are pretty much indistinguishable. (There are other minor rule differences, such as the one regarding batting helmets, 1.16(b).) What we need to do is make these two leagues more distinguished from each other. Enter steroids. One of the leagues could be the "use all the steroids you want" league, and the other could be the "use steroids and we ban you for life (from this league at least)" league. Given the fact that the American League has demonstrated that it is willing to tweak the rules to create a more exciting, higher-scoring game, it seems natural that the American League should be the one to admit steroids (all the better to pop taters out of the park), whereas the National League can fret about defensive substitutions, double-switches and whether you should pinch-hit for your starting pitcher in the sixth inning when down by one with a runner on first and one out or whether you should have him sacrifice the runner over. Players who are juiced up (or want to be juiced up or who don't want to submit to testing) can move to the American League. Players who are willing to be tested up the wazoo can move to the National League. (An alternate proposal is to allow players to take all the performance-enhancing drugs they want, but require them to disclose all the drugs they take. That way, fans could evaluate their performance in an informed manner. You could include the information on their baseball cards.) Hey, it worked for beauty pageants, it can work for baseball. Of course, this means that when there is inter-league play, the American League team will probably clobber the National League team, but then again, that's not much of a change from what we have today already anyway. Next time (if there is a next time), I'll solve the problem of traffic in Seattle caused by sporting events. |
Comments (25)
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By sporting events, you mean football, right? Like 5 people attend Mariners games, and the Sonics are losing fans / probably won’t be in Seattle anymore. That should make the problem easier for you to solve.
Raymond I could not agree more. Why not take it a stage further? Instead of running a bureaucracy to try to stop Olympic athletes taking performance enhancing drugs, why not bring the whole thing out into the open as you say? Not only that, but the big drug companies would actually sponsor teams themselves. So you’d have Bayer versus Glaxo out on the track instead of Germany V Poland for instance.
1.16(b) refers to the "National Association Leagues", which is the umbrella organization for the minor leagues (see http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/app/milb/history/). This is not the same as the National League. The NL and the AL are both covered (as Major Leagues) under 1.16(c).
There was an SNL skit probably 10 years ago with the "All-Steriod Olympics". The joke has been already made…
Reminds me of an interesting read I had recently.
David Friedman: What’s Wrong With Steroids?
From time to time, I see a news story about some athlete who has been caught using steroids to improve his performance. Everyone seems to agree that this is a bad thing and should be punished, but it is not entirely clear why.
I can see three possible answers… [continued on http://daviddfriedman.blogspot.com/2006/11/whats-wrong-with-steroids.html]
I like the idea of juiced and non-juiced leagues. When there’s an inter-league game the rules would follow the (by then) much stricter, non-juiced, league’s rules so both teams have different advantages over the other.
Very quickly these inter-league games would deteriorate into bugs bunny cartoonesque events. I, for one, would love it. For the first time in my life I would actually find baseball worth watching… well, ok, the highlights on the news anyway… maybe.
Nah, baseball would still be a boring suck out.
The players union would never go for it. It would reduce the market for players because a player would have to basically pick one league or another. An AL steroid player could never be traded to the NL. And an NL non-steroid player would have little value in the AL (except for rare exceptions, or only on a long-term contract that gave them a couple years to juice up).
Ok, but why stop with chemical enhancements? Mechanically and neurologically enhanced cyborgs could put on a spectacle that would bring a whole new audience to their league. Perhaps someday they could play against a robot league that dispenses with biological components altogether.
It wouldn’t work. The disincentive in the National League to *not* use steroids would be insufficient, since the players know that if they get caught it would just mean they’d have to play in the American League from now on. Big deal.
So both leagues would be juiced.
The argument about players having a constitutional right to use steroids is bogus. They do have that right, of course, but the leagues don’t have a constitutional obligation to let you play. If they can punish you for corking your bat, or scuffing the ball, neither of which are legally prohibited actions, then they can punish you for taking steroids. The leagues have a right to define cheating, and enforce rules.
This post immediately reminded me of the trusted computing thing where trusted apps run in a separate environment, which IMHO will never work.
Best regards,
Burak
Richard: Why take half-measures? I think they should make steroid use *mandatory*. Possibly as a separate event space, though.
Steroids have lots of bad side effects. Having a steroided league would be like having a Racing Car category where the cars and drivers don’t have any safety equipment to weigh them down and use super explosive fuel to make them go faster. Although having a Death-Track like racing series could be interesting. Depends on what life sacrifices we allow to be made in the name of sporting entertainment.
This whole thing with separating in tournaments with "juiced athletes" (Bodybuilding events) and tournaments with "unjuiced athletes" ("Nature Bodybuilding") was tried in Bodybuilding.
Did it work out ?
I think there are a lot "juiced" Bodybuilders in the "Nature Bodybuilding" camp, so you just have to be not that good / take not that much doping and you’re still successful. But most of the people are interested in the "juiced" Bodybuilders (bigger).
I know this is definitely not the place, but I have no idea where I should bring this up, so I’m hoping someone here will answer this or at least point me in the right direction.
Anyone know why the Windows XP Powertoy Calc (arguably the second-best only to TweakUI), is missing the basic feature of calculating factorials?
Cool beans. Thank you very much. Sorry to be a bother. ^_^
Why do I feel Ive seen this exact post before…
Visual Basic isn’t basic either.
Already done.
http://www.google.com/search?q=traf-o-data
I’ve got a solution too, but I don’t think I’d get approval for that wuantity of explosives. The annoying thing is that my garage kicks me out a 3:30 whenever they’ve got a day game.
John:
Having a steroided league would be like having a Racing Car category where the cars and drivers don’t have any safety equipment to weigh them down and use super explosive fuel to make them go faster
Higher octane fuel (used in race cars and turbo cars) is actually less explosive so it can be compressed more without detonating. Using highly explosive fuel would likely lead to a really short race where all the cars suffer massive engine failure on lap 3.
anyway, racing is already split up – you have the nascar crowd that turns left for 3 hours and crashes, F1, where nobody ever passes, rally where half the cars don’t finish, and a bunch of low(er) cost race divisions with restrictions on what you can field.
I’d say that Raymond’s 2 league thing would work okay if we ammend the rules: get caught juicing and you’re banned for life from all MLB and your name is stricken of all stats.
It is tragical that people do not realize anymore that the purpose of sport is physical and mental health.
None of the two includes any drugs.
So you can call all that mess sport, but it isn’t sport anymore for a long time already.
Raymond: In spite of what the Slate author Charles Piece said:
"THG, the substance produced by the BALCO Laboratories in California and allegedly consumed by dozens of athletes, was neither illegal nor specifically banned by any professional sports league."
…I don’t believe it. Drugs that are classified as anabolic steriods are illegal to posess without a valid prescription from a doctor, under Federal law. If THG is anabolic, that is.
Yes, they (were not at the time) SPECIFICALLY banned by baseball, but they were still illegal to possess. MLB banning illegal substances seems like redundancy to me.
I also think KB is wrong when he says "The argument about players having a constitutional right to use steroids is bogus. They do have that right, of course,…"
Not under Federal law.
"In the 1970’s and 1980’s, federal regulation of anabolic steroids came under the jurisdiction of the Food and Drug Administration under the Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act. 21 U.S.C.A. Sections 351, 352, 353, 355 (1981 & Supp. 1990).
Anabolic steroids were required to be prescribed and dispensed by licensed physicians but were not scheduled as controlled substances. It is often overlooked, however, that black market drug trafficking of anabolic steroids already was illegal before anabolics became classified as controlled substances.
Under 1988 legislation amending the Food and Drug Act, criminal penalties were specifically set forth for traffickers in anabolic steroids for non-medical reasons.
This Anti-Drug Abuse Act would have enabled effective enforcement against those illegally dispensing steroids and black market dealers, including application of federal forfeiture laws, without classifying steroids as controlled substances.
Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1988, Pub. L. No. 100-690, Sec 2401, 102 Stat. 4181 (1988), repealed in November, 1990, effective Feb., 1991, by the Anabolic Steroids Control Act."
From http://www.elitefitness.com/members/steroidlaw/history.htm
Followup:
The Anabolic Steroids Control Act of 1990 became law on November 29, 1990, when President Bush signed the Omnibus Crime Control Bill. The law applies in every Federal court across the country.
It places steroids in the same legal class – Schedule III — as amphetamines, methamphetamines, opium and morphine. Simple possession of any Schedule III substance is a federal offense punishable by up to one year in prison and/or a minimum fine of $1,000.
Raymond,
One of the funniest pieces you’ve ever written. Even more funny is the serious nature of some of the comments. I love the Internets.
I’ve passed this on to some non-techie, smart, baseball fans and they appreciated it too. Thanks.
You should stick to blogging about computers.
@Anon:
And you should stick something up your shiny metal.
Let Raymond write whatever he wants, it is his blog.